Omegle
by Insomniaandinfomercials
Summary: A Kurt/Blaine centered conversation I had on Omegle. Totally made my life  : Thought I should share this awesomeness on here.


**I honestly just love my life.**

**Just seriously. **

**Stuff like this makes my year.**

**I think, nothing on my bucket list matters anymore.**

**This just, I. Just read it.**

**Seriously, if you are this person, just come forward and marry me.**

**

* * *

**

**You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!**

**Official messages from Omegle will not be sent with the label 'Stranger:'. Strangers claiming to represent Omegle are lying.**

**You:** i'm climbin in yo windows

**Stranger:** It's just a moist towelette, Finn!

**You:** I CARRY A RAPE WHISTLE

**Stranger:** Really? I'm in a basement that lacks windows.

**You:** Kurt? What are you doing here?

**Stranger:** I'm upset because my bird died.

**Stranger:** Lokking for distractions.

**You:** Well, yeah, I know that, I was there.

**You:** You came in and sang and I realized I was in love with you...remember?

**Stranger:** Yes. And I'm still confused by it.

**You:** You should be. Cause I am too.

**Stranger:** thank you, it's just, I sing Don't Cry For Me, Argentina, and NOTHING. I cry over a bird and sing about it? Love! I'm concerned.

**You:** It just hit me. Don't Cry For Me, Argentina is one of my not so favorite songs. And if you haven't realized, I'm kinda oblivious to most situations.

**Stranger:** Yes, but that beside, you picked a girl over me after I pretty much told you I liked you, A GIRL. And Jeremiah, random ex-Gap employee. And you don't like my sexy face.

**You:** ...I'm kind of a douche, aren't I? And Kurt, Rachel was just a kick in the face for me. I now fully fledged realize I am gay. And obviously, Jeremiah didn't work. Also, at that time I was oblivious to the fact that you LIKED me. You didn't tell me! How am I supposed to know? And I never said I didn't like your sexy face! I love your sexy face!

**Stranger:** I'm sorry. I'm just miffed because Pavarotti's gone and school's too far away, Dad won't eat his vegetables, and no matter how many glasses of milk I give finn, he won't participation in our lady chats.

**Stranger:** It's stressful.

**You:** I'm sorry, too. We should go get coffee.

**Stranger:** When? After school?

**Stranger:** Or is there Warblers practice?

**You:** I think there's practice, so we could go after then. Grande nonfat mocha? (:

**Stranger:** How do you continue to amaze me by remembering that?

**Stranger:** Yes.

**Stranger:** So, how are Wes and David? I haven't talked to them much.

**You:** I amaze myself sometimes, hahaha. Oh, they're fine. I talked to David yesterday, but he was just talking about his girlfriend the whole time.

**Stranger:** Yuck. You poor unfortunate soul. It's funny, despite not wanting anywhere near their mouths, I really miss having girls to talk to. No offense to you or the other guys at Dalton. It's just... I don't know, I miss them.

**You:** No offense taken. I wouldn't really know what it's like, being the only time I've really socialized with a girl was Rachel and those few times I talked to Mercedes, but I could imagine you could relate with them more. And plus, Dalton is all boys. You don't see girls that often, I'd guess. And Mercedes and Rachel are good friends of yours.

**Stranger:** Thank you for understanding. Speaking of Rachel, I just realized something you mentioned earlier. Did you know that both you and Ms. Rachel Berry carry a rape whistle?

**You:** Really? That explains a lot.

**Stranger:** You are clearly long lost cousins. Dark hair, awesome voices, default soloists, carrying a rape whistle... no wonder you didn't like kissing her. It must have been like kissing yourself or the aforementioned long lost cousin.

**Stranger:** Incest.

**Stranger:** you're also both short.

**You:** Oh my God.

**You:** You have a point.

**Stranger:** No offense. Again.

**Stranger:** You're going to have to go investigate your family tree for Berries.

**You:** So, if it was like kissing myself...

**You:** Then I technically didn't kiss a girl?

**Stranger:** Narcissist.

**Stranger:** No, she's still a girl. Just you if you were a girl. It's like if you wanted the closest version of yourself in an alternate reality where everybody had reversed gender, you'd have to look no further than Rachel Berry. A scary thought, really.

**You:** ...

**Stranger:** And she'd likely be you.

**You:** So..

**You:** You liked Rachel Berry?

**Stranger:** EW. That hideously dressed harpy? NO. You share major similarities, but I said "alternate reality" and "cousins" for a reason. She can't dress, you can. She's an ambitious gold star collector, you give out faulty advise with the best of intentions.

**Stranger:** You're like the Rachel Berry I

**Stranger:** would be friends with.

**Stranger:** She's been showing a lot of that part of herself lately.

**You:** Right. I'm going to take that all in as a compliment.

**Stranger:** As you should. I just got a text from Britany.

**Stranger:** She thinks you're a cannibal.

**You:** ...

**Stranger:** She says her cat wrote it in her diary.

**You:** I could tell her I am just for the fun of it...

**Stranger:** Please don't. I worry about her mental state enough as it is. And if you did, she'd probably worry that you'd eat me, thus kidnapping my for my own safety. She did it to Mercedes once. She was afraid Mr. Jones would drill her teeth out because she accepted a glass of Doctor Pepper.

**Stranger:** I've learned that it's not a good idea to offer any reason to concern her.

**You:** That doesn't convince me not to do it.

**Stranger:** You won't see me for a month, and when you do I'll smell like sewage because she's, apparently, made friends with a colony of rats down there, that took care of her when she got lost down there. I'm telling you, the girl is guillable and mentally unsound, and ridiculously sweet. It's a combination that is truly frightening when utilized wrong.

**Stranger:** I don't want my clothes drenched in sewer water. Do it for Armani, Marc Jacobs... whoever I'm wearing when she abducts me.

**You:** ...I've been convinced. I won't put you, Marc Jacobs, or Armani through that.

**Stranger:** Thank you. Promise to keep them away from French Fur Trappers, too. I've heard they're a nuisance.

**Stranger:** Sorry. It's another long story.

**You:** I figured as much, but I promise anyway.

**Stranger:** Thanks, again. So, what are you doing, other than talking to me?

**You:** Watching football game re-runs, believe it or not.

**Stranger:** I'll never understand the appeal. It's only ever interesting when there is dancing or costume make-up involved. I thank my lucky stars that those are the only sorts of games I viewed in person. Usually my Dad drags me into watching it with him and I pass out from sheer ennui. I'm participating in rythmic ironing, right now. It makes be feel like I can multi-task.

**Stranger:** If I didn't say that, I'd have likely burned my slacks from the haze of lethargy the football thoughts almost brought about.

**You:** Well, it's safe to say you never cease to amaze me, Kurt. But neither does beauty sleep.

**Stranger:** Oh. are you saying you need to go? If you do, that's alright. I've got to bring Finn his warm milk and do my facial regime anyways.

**You:** That's what I'm implying. Good night, Kurt. I'll see you at school tomorrow. And don't forget, coffee after practice, my treat.

**Stranger:** Of course. Good night, Blaine!

**You:** And yeah, keep doing that facial regime, something, I don't know if it's that, makes you absolutely adorable. (:


End file.
